Nostalgia…in this climate??

HELLO FALL!!!! Welcome back for round 2. I’m slightly surprised I’m releasing a second issuance of Jaded as I’m historically bad at keeping up routines. With the chaos of the last couple months, energy and creativity levels have been low and I’m struggling to find the will to even post. But WE ARE HERE. Ultimately, fall is my favorite time of year, especially in New York. Serotonin is UP because this is when I really start dressin’, I get to cocoon all day everyday, and life is just generally better. As always, thank you all for being here! I appreciate you all so dearly and am so happy you’re reading along as I figure shit out.

For this issuance, the loose theme is nostalgia, because what is fall without strong urges to reminisce. It brings on feelings of warmth, tinges of pain, rejoicing and remembering where you came from in conjunction with where you are now. Since moving to New York, I have this sort of reflection quite often. As a girl who was once shy, closeted, and extremely and covertly insecure, I feel so much gratitude and pride for who I am today. The remnants of feeling alone and without belonging still exist but are less intrusive now. New York has been the place to change that the most drastically for me.

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Life

…in Birmingham

• On the glorious weekend of October 5^th Tatum and I finally re-morphed brains. The weather was perfect, the pets were scampering, and I was happy to be in The South again. I always forget how much I miss the silence; I slept like a freaking baby that night I flew in. We ended up doing a lot of TV watching on the couch and gossiping, and I realized it was actually the cure to all my troubles. Suddenly I was back at 990 Brevard, in our homey Tallahassee 3 bed with the critters. Despite not seeing each other for longer than a day for nearly a YEAR AND A HALF, it was as if no time had passed and no loved was lost. It’s funny how reuniting and living life through their eyes, meeting their friends, exploring their city, provided me so much warmth. For the first time in a long time, I was content with them living across the country, because I knew I had another place to come home to.

…in Bushwick

• The Jefferson Polycule is thriving. I really can’t sing my roommates praises enough. I just love them hehe. We keep ending up places  drunk, acting silly, giggling and group hugging. Sometimes you meet people and it’s as if you’ve known them your whole life and that fate brought you together.  If you believe in that sort of thing. For our Halloween party, we made the epic move to be Spongebob, Patrick, and Mr. Krabs as our group costume, which was a smash hit. We got to smush all our friends into our little apartment, blast pop from the TV, dance, get sloshed…what could be better? On actual Halloween, I decided to scare the hoes and go as Linda Blair from the Exorcist. Surprisingly, it didn’t work and I ended up making out with a girl dressed up as Jennifer from the pool scene in Jennifer’s Body in a muggy Bushwick basement. Not a bad way to wrap up October.

…in Tampa

• Going home is always a fever dream. The longer I’m there, the more I regress back into a teenager. This time, like most, I left completely overwhelmed and drained. I can only stomach so many get-togethers, celebrations, and nights going out where I end up seeing someone from fucking middle school. The usual suspects keep me in check though (you know who you are). As some of you know, my family plays an intense card game that has transformed into an annual tournament. For four days, we spread out 7-8 games to see who can score the least amount of points and land their name on the trophy. Funnily enough I tanked the whole thing LOL. Literally the worst I ever played but thankfully, losers are also rewarded in this tourney.

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I originally planned on fleshing this zine out but I will be so honest and say I am feeling real brain dead people. Nearing the end of this year I’m really experiencing the weight of all that has happened over the months from unexpected deaths, friendships and relationships ebbing and flowing, to the craziness of work (and losing all my pals!!!!), to moving, and ultimately just trying to determine the next step. I’m excited for a new year; to feel cleansed and reborn in a sense. I’m manifesting great changes. Until then, I hope you all have enjoyed reading thus far. It means more than you know. Closing it out with the lovely work of Ms. Kaitlyn Prokopp who has somehow always captured me at my best. Love y’all ❤